


Voices in My Head

by Kantayra



Category: Dresden Files - Butcher
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-22
Updated: 2009-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-05 00:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas morning in the Dresden household.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices in My Head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ghostie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghostie/gifts).



I awoke to the sounds of wild moaning, grunted, and buried my head back under my pillow. From the foot of the bed, Mouse whined a little in sympathy. It wasn't exactly an unusual occurrence in Casa Dresden, after all.

"Oh, God! Yes! _Yes_!" screamed the woman in the living room.

I tightened the pillow around my ears, which – of course – didn't do the slightest bit of good. Thomas' date for the morning seemed to be particularly enthusiastic.

"_Yesssssssssssssssssssss_!"

Finally, I figured I'd taken as much as any good roommate could and then some, and I banged on the wall as loudly as I could. "Keep it _down_ in there, for crying out loud!"

The screams paused for a second and then started building again. Stupid incubi with their stupid powers causing stupid women to keep having stupid sex even when they _knew_ they were being overheard…

"Well, aren't we in a cheery mood today?" said the voice in my head.

I groaned again, just for good measure.

"I can see why you're one of the 'good guys,'" Lasciel continued unabated. "Full and brimming with Christmas cheer."

I refused to open my eyes in response to that. Some days, if I ignored Lasciel enough, she'd decide to leave me alone. Maybe I'd get lucky and today would be one of those days.

"Come on, get up," Lasciel said impatiently. "Are you just going to hide in bed all day?"

From the living room, the moaning finally reached its crescendo, and then came blessed silence.

"There," Lasciel drawled. I finally opened his eyes to see her leaning against the far shelf, wearing jeans and a skin-tight black t-shirt that hugged her curves in all the right places. Apparently, Christmas was a casual day for Fallen Angels. "It's safe to go get coffee now."

Now, I knew for a fact that this was false, because Thomas often took far too long to sort things out after one of his trysts. If I went into the living room now, there'd be nudity and all sorts of things I didn't want to see and, unfortunately, a few things I really _did_ want to see but shouldn't.

"Are you just going to lie in bed all day?" Lasciel demanded testily. "This room is tiny."

In response, Mouse deliberately laid his head down on my feet, effectively making getting up incredibly difficult. I fully appreciated the sentiment.

"Don't tell me I have to go out and walk the Denarian in my head?" I complained. "Can't you just let me sleep in this _once_? It's Christmas, after all."

"Christmas is hardly a cause for celebration for _some_ of us," Lasciel retorted.

"Gee," I sighed, "I'm sorry you're evil. Now, will you let me sleep?"

"By all means," Lasciel retorted dryly. "You're easier to manipulate in your dreams."

I couldn't help but groan and, with that, finally got up. "You're worse than Mister and Mouse combined," I informed her and began digging through the junk on the floor for my robe. "At least Mister only sits on my face to wake me up. And Mouse understands the importance of sleeping in."

Mouse burrowed into the warm blankets I had just vacated to prove my point. Lucky dog…

"Since it's Christmas and all," I yawned epically, "can't I go one day without you trying to corrupt my immortal soul?"

Lasciel crossed her arms over her ample and exceptionally shapely chest and said testily, "No."

"Whatever," I grumbled. "I can't deal with this without coffee."

"This is my secret master plan for corrupting you," Lasciel agreed easily.

I glared at her.

"Kidding," she insisted.

I trudged my way into the living room and over into the kitchen. On the way, I passed a half-dressed brunette who seemed to be wrapped in half the garlands from the miniature Christmas tree Thomas and I had set up in the corner. I figured I really didn't want to know and made for the coffee instead.

"There is no need to feel this jealousy," Lasciel commented far too cheerfully for this hour of the morning. "With my powers, I could give you everything he has."

I glared more pointedly and began heating the water.

"Would you like that?" Lasciel purred into my ear. I half-heartedly swatted at her, even though I _knew_ she was non-corporeal and it wouldn't do any good. After all, it was _early_ and I hadn't had coffee yet. "Women are your weakness. My own form proves that. With my assistance, you could have them whenever you desire."

"Thanks, but I prefer the old-fashioned, respectful-and-not-tacky approach." The water was boiling far too slowly. I was pretty sure it was doing that to spite me and added a little hellfire for good measure. Does coffee superheated with hellfire corrupt your soul? At that point, I didn't care as long as I got caffeine into my system.

"Who are you talking to?" Thomas asked. I heard the door open and close, indicating the departure of Thomas' latest paramour. I thanked every supernatural being I could think of that wasn't currently trying to kill me for small favors.

"The voices in my head," I answered. "No coffee yet."

'No coffee yet' was always a fabulous excuse because any manner of insanity could be explained away by it. This was generally a good thing because I sometimes forgot pre-coffee not to talk aloud back to Lasciel. Snark was usually my default morning setting.

Thomas just nodded and began spooning heaps of genuine, shade-grown, store-bought crap that I'd found in the discount aisle and had probably never even seen a real coffee bean. It sure made your chest hair grow, though, and – first thing in the morning – that was all I needed.

The water finally decided to boil, and Thomas and I both partook of hellfire-prepared java. I hoped I wasn't condemning my brother to eternal damnation, but right then the caffeine made it seem worth the risk.

"Perhaps I have been going about this all wrong," Lasciel considered. "Perhaps I should try offering you pleasures of the stomach rather than pleasures of the flesh."

I flipped her the bird over my shoulder when Thomas wasn't looking.

"So," Thomas asked, "are we opening presents?"

I shrugged. Keep in mind, this whole 'Christmas morning' thing was kind of new to us. Neither of us had grown up in what any sane person would call a traditional household. "Is the tree completely destroyed?" I was only mostly teasing.

"Just undecorated, I think," Thomas provided. "Hang on, I'll fix it."

I sipped at my coffee and watched Thomas unwrap the garlands from around the couch, the lamp, and the doorframe to the bedroom. A part of me was actually morbidly curious how they'd accomplished all that, without having sex right _in_ the tree.

At that point, Mouse finally trotted in from the bedroom, yawned, and proceeded to 'help' Thomas by being a large, unmovable object in the middle of the room, conveniently and consistently positioned between where Thomas was and where Thomas needed to go.

Lasciel stood beside me and looked thoroughly disgusted by this turn of events. "I could give you power beyond your wildest imaginings," she huffed, "and yet _this_ is what you choose instead?"

I snickered when Mouse decided to add in a few friendly head-buttings to Thomas' chest when Thomas tried to maneuver around him. Apparently, Mouse needed the place behind his ears scratched then and there.

Thomas gave me an annoyed look. "You could help, you know."

"No coffee yet," I offered almost cheerfully, holding my still-half-full cup aloft.

"This is because I woke you up this morning, isn't it?" Thomas accused.

"Yup," I agreed without equivocation.

"Do you really intend to waste your life away in this pathetic attempt at domesticity?" Lasciel really _was_ in a pissy mood this morning. It just made it that much easier to ignore her.

"I think I can see the top of the star peeking out from beneath the couch," I informed Thomas helpfully.

Mouse plowed Thomas out of his way and went to retrieve it. He brought it back to Thomas, covered in drool, and wagged his tail hopefully.

Thomas sighed, took the drool-covered star, and finally scratched Mouse behind the ears. Mouse leaned his full weight on Thomas in appreciative response. Had Thomas been anything less supernaturally souped up, he probably would have toppled right over.

The sight filled me with Christmas cheer and well-being for all my fellow men.

Lasciel's eyes widened. "This is because _I_ woke you up this morning, isn't it?" she accused.

I smiled brightly and tried to stuff more comfort and joy into my brim.

"You, my host, may even surpass me in evil…" She sounded a bit awed as she said it.

I decided to take it as a compliment and watched Thomas reattach the drooly star. With that, the family Christmas tree looked about as good as it ever had. That is to say, it was still crooked, had half the branches on one side missing from where Mister had gone ballistic, and there were huge gaps in the garlands. It probably needed a woman's touch, but Lasciel wasn't about to volunteer, and I doubted she really counted anyway.

"There, that's good enough," Thomas decreed and flopped back on the couch.

I removed one of the afghans from the floor where it had fallen and laid it over the center cushion just in case there were any suspicious wet spots I'd be happier not knowing about. I sat down beside Thomas, and Mouse landed himself right across both of our feet.

"So," I concluded, "presents."

I let Thomas sort them out, which wasn't hard, because everything I'd 'wrapped' was just rolled up in newspaper with too much masking tape holding the whole mess together. Thomas had either gotten his wrapped in the store, or he actually knew how to wrap things up with real wrapping paper and perfect corners and curly ribbons and everything. It was downright unnatural.

"That's it, then," Lasciel complained. "You're just going to ignore me all day again? And you wondered why my kind hates Christmas…"

I didn't say anything, but I patted the empty seat beside me surreptitiously with one hand.

Lasciel looked puzzled and then downright wary.

"'Tis the season," I said aloud, and Thomas elbowed me in the side for being inane.

Lasciel finally sat primly on the edge of the couch, and I accepted my first gift.

After all, 'twas the season, indeed.


End file.
